A Note to the Takers, I mean, Boomers

Dear Boomers,

Alright, alright, we get it. You had Woodstock, and it was the greatest cultural phenomenon ever. It was the best moment of your lives, even though most of you weren't at Woodstock, you just took LSD before seeing the movie in the drive-in and thought you were.

I know that Ang Lee's new Woodstock movie is just another studio attempt to get aging boomers back in the movie theaters (although Pixar has been doing that for years now). But how telling is it that your generation only has one moment in history that you're proud of? Because let's face it, after Woodstock, there wasn't much you really did. Not to discount what you did do, which was advance race relations, civil rights, civil liberties, and were the first generation to stand up to your own government over its decision to wage war. (Ironic that most of you probably supported the current war and criticized those who spoke out against it. But never mind--hypocrisy has been a mainstay of your generation.)

But once the 1980's came about, it was all over. The next film to detail you, dear Boomers, was Oliver Stone's Wall Street, and I think we can all agree that was not a positive portrayal of the former flower children.

I think your generation was mis-named. I think you should be re-dubbed The Takers. Think about it. In the 1960's and 70's, you took all the drugs and had all the sex you could find. In the 1980's, you took those same drugs and sold them to inner cities. You took all the executive jobs, advanced the art of money laundering, and created the corporate power structure that has been characterized repeatedly as soulless, gutless, and moral-less. In the 1990's, you took sexual identity away from teens, admonishing sex education, and turning a blind eye to those dying of a sexually transmitted disease because, hey man, loving your neighbor was so 1960's. In the 2000's, you took Wall Street and damn near killed it. And now, as you advance towards retirement age, you're going to take Social Security and the entire healthcare system.

Frankly, every time I see another movie or another T.V. show about your generation, I want to vomit. Enough about you! You haven't contributed anything to society other than greed, hypocrisy (Say No to Drugs! Even though I did my fair share when I was your age), and selfishness. My taxes are paying for your Medicare and your Walt Disney World monorail pass, and I'm sick to goddamn death of it. You're leaving me with catastrophic government debt, a broken healthcare system, a planet almost devoid of natural resources, and a bleak future of possible human extinction, because my God, you could not live without your precious Lexus or your Mercedes.

As far as I'm concerned, the flower children need to hurry up and push up some daisies. The sooner you are off my payroll, the better. That way, I can concentrate on how to pay off your debt.

In the meantime, please relive your former glory days with Ang Lee's new film. And that pang of sadness you feel? That isn't nostalgia--that's guilt. Look who you were and look at who you've become.

Sincerely,

Gen-Y.