And now I shall add yet another conundrum to the list: I like straight guys.
Not in that way. It's a platonic relationship that's worked well for me over the years. I simply prefer hanging out with straight guys more so than spending time with women, gay or otherwise, or other gay men. My reasoning is really quite simple: straight guys are more fun.
With straight guys, I never have to know if there is a hidden agenda. There never is. There's no cattiness or needless bullshit. If bullshit were to ever enter the conversation, one or more of them will simply say "That's a bunch of bullshit," a thirty second argument will ensue, and then everyone goes back to their beer.
How awesome is that?! No intentional drama, no backbiting, no double dealing (unless it's a business meeting, that is), just a relaxing good time. And that's not to say my straight guy friends aren't supportive and that they don't have any emotional depth. During my horrendous break up, they offered me a hand and an ear to listen, commiserated with breakup stories of their own, then told me I made the right decision, bought me a drink and we toasted to the asshole that I left.
The entire exchange took less than 5 minutes, and then we were on to other things. If it were another gay guy or a woman, that conversation would've lasted for years. But to the straight guy, what's done is done, it was either the right decision or the wrong decision, can't go back in change it, fuck it, let's look to tomorrow.
God, I love that. Especially because I tend to over think everything.
As a consequence, I feel strangely protective of my straight male friends. Because as I've observed their relationships and their attempts at dating, I've come to this conclusion: Jesus, the majority of women treat them like shit! I've never seen anything like it. You hear all the time about misogyny and how men mistreat women. But you never, ever hear about women mistreating men.
And popular culture seems to patronize straight guys, as if they can't help themselves for being straight. Women and other gay guys do this and it pisses me off. ("Oh look at the clueless hetero-male.") Just watch an episode of Everybody Loves Ramond or My Life According to Jim to see what I'm talking about.
Straight guys aren't clueless, they're beleaguered and wary. And how could they not be? We raise little girls to respect themselves and not to put up with shit from guys. But we don't tell that to little boys. So the boys grow up to be men who mistakenly think that getting bossed around, manipulated, and yelled at is a price for loving women.
It's not. I tell my straight guys, if you've only been dating for a few weeks and she's already treating you like a dog she's trying to house train, it's only going to get worse. Dump the bitch.
Sounds harsh? Probably. But I'm tired of a lot of girls in their 20's thinking that the only way to treat a man is like a neanderthal who needs grooming and obedience training. As if your man is supposed to be your personal slave and servant. (And we're not talking about a BSDM relationship here.) If you treat your man like that, ordering him around, denying him time with his friends or to himself, denying him sex, denying him a life basically; then ladies, don't be surprised if he leaves you for somebody else.
A relationship should be not about who's in charge (again, if you're into BSDM, then by all means, hash out who's going to be top dog), it should be about mutual attraction, respect, and decision making. Which isn't to say that one can't make a ruling decision. But there's a fine line between "being the lead" and "being a selfish asshole."
Then there's the issue of sex. While women, gay or otherwise, and gay guys are told to be proud of what they like, how they like it, and from whom they like it, straight guys have to define their sexuality by what they're not. Already, it's using negative language. Straight guys don't listen to this kind of music, they don't like to see these kinds of movies/t.v. shows, they don't like having this part of their body played with, etc. etc. etc.
What a bummer. Imagine having to constantly define yourself by what you can't be instead of what you are. No wonder so many straight guys are fucked in the head. I think it's time for a little straight guy pride, don't you? A moment when they can just be themselves and not have to worry about women or other gay guys jumping down their throat for simply liking vaginas, cold beer, red meat, action movies, and maybe, just maybe, a rerun of Designing Women or two.
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