God Rewarded David With Hot Women

But apparently, God does not reward women with hot men. After all, that would be recognizing women's sexuality (which is unclean) and we can't have that.

This quote is from Jason Mattera, head of the (cult) group Young America Foundation, at the Values Voters Summit:

"If conservatives (David) smite liberals (Goliath), they will be rewarded with the hot conservative women, just like King Saul promised his daughter to the warrior who slew the evil giant. “You know his daughter must have been beautiful because there’s no guy whose gonna die for an ugly girl,” Mattera chortled. “Our women are hot. We have Michelle Malkin. Who does the left have, Rachel Maddow? Sorry, I prefer that my women not look like dudes.”

And apparently, according to Mattera, David took "pride in his Christian beliefs.” Never mind that David lived a few thousand years before Christ. After all, history, like science, is a thing of the Devil. The speakers at the Values Voters Summit said that separation of church and state was a creation of Hitler, not the Founding Fathers, that gay rights activists have complete disregard for black women, unlike, say, the Young American Foundation, (who, in all their deliberating on human rights, never mentioned poverty, homelessness, or racism), and that abortions should be performed in the public square.

The prize speaker was one Lila Rose, who wore a "voluptuous red dress with a neck to thigh zipper in the back, and playfully tossed her long dark hair as she spoke." I'll bet you money she's slept around, but it's okay: she's on a mission from God and if you sleep with a woman who's on a mission from God, it doesn't count as sinful sex, but as holy sex.

Or some shit.

Seriously. This article scared the crap out of me. If these people gain any more of a foothold in this country, I may have to move, before they gather me and others like me into a boarded up boxcar and take me to the oven. You know...like Hitler.